a day in the life: hope(ful)

“For too long we have swept the problems of mental illness under the carpet… and hoped that they would go away.”

– Richard Codey

Whoever said “hope springs eternal” never offered me any sound advice on the mantra.

Despite being someone who operates from a place of hopelessness, hope seems to be all I have at times.

Though it’s always been the case, I’m finding it harder and harder to accept. I don’t feel like I could ever know what “true” hope is without being phony on a level I could never be okay with.

No known cause. No existing cure. Just managing the in-between areas of the highs and lows. The aesthetics of the situation are dull, even repulsive at times.

That being said…there do seem to be more “easy” days than not. I’m doing my best to hold out hope that that remains to be.

As a husband and a father, I continue to hold out hope just for hope’s sake.

Even in times of sheer hopelessness, there is always some sliver of something, I’ve learned. If not hope then a mild form of something similar, and I’ll take it.

So, even when the darkness seems to be all encompassing, I’ll at least try to stay aware that hope exists somewhere outside the scope of my current field of “vision”.

I truly do hope that mantra is more than just an acquired confidence. But if not, it’s one I hope to acquire.

One thought on “a day in the life: hope(ful)

  1. My OCD was fairly disruptive to my family life. I medicated it accidently when I used an antipsychotic to medicate my Tourette Syndrome. Life is so much better now. New classes of drugs are being discovered all the time. Hold out hope for that. Help may already be out there or coming soon.

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