My Cracked Faith

“In heaven, all the interesting people are missing.”

Friedrich Nietzsche

Friedrich Nietzsche said faith is not wanting to know what the truth is. And as a dutiful nihilist, I would be remiss to even try and feign a belief in a Christian God. Having said that, I also suffer from a deep fear that I may be wrong in the belief system I so strongly cling to.

I am extremely conflicted on the issue yet remain steadfast in not believing in the God that most have come to know and ultimately worship.

I do not believe in organized religion at all. I also personally can’t entertain the idea of blind faith leading one to their eternity. Anyone can phone it in in the name of whatever they are chasing, but I can’t bring myself to play along. If I’m going to sell out, the payoff better be worth my time.

So, my question is can I blame my lack of faith and my cynicism surrounding the issue on my disorder?

Yes and no.

The constant back and forth between the highs and lows that accompany this illness can send me into a state of pure hopelessness. This in turn can create a downward spiral of self-doubt that I only get lost in.

I am only putting a spotlight on this issue because I am genuinely curious myself. I don’t mean to sound pessimistic or cold, though even I can see how I may come across.

My illness may not have any effect on which religion I practice or which god I pray to, but it does hinder the process of maintaining such a faith-based belief system. A belief system that takes dedication and commitment.

Dedication and commitment I have no understanding of.

So, does mental illness play a role in my lack of faith, or does it only slow down the process one must go through to reach true faith?

I don’t have answers to any of these questions, just thoughts and opinions. But since I don’t believe one can ever truly reach a state of complete knowledge and awareness, these thoughts and opinions will just have to do.

Nietzsche said faith is not wanting to know what the truth is. And as a dutiful nihilist, I would be remiss to even try and feign a belief in a Christian God.

2 Comments

  1. Maybe your faith derails you, possibly it’s just because you’re a highly introspective person. I think faith and introspection are opposite beasts. Faith implies acceptance without question, whereas introspection implies constant questioning. I used to view myself as a christian, but as my thought process matured, I lost my faith. I write about this periodically, if you’d like to read and discuss further, here is a recent post I wrote (caution, it’s a springboard for my left-wing liberal values) https://jefftcann.com/2021/12/02/thoughts-and-prayers/

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