“For me, the first sign of oncoming madness is that I’m unable to write.”– Marya Hornbacher, Madness: A Bipolar Life
It’s funny how certain traits and talents go when in the throes of either a manic or depressive period. And it’s funny how others become amplified.
Well, as someone in between cycles and bracing for a bout of full-on depression, it really isn’t that funny. Just an interesting observation.
For me, as both a journalist and someone who is just passionate about writing, it is one of the first of my abilities to go when I’m cycling.
I have what is known as rapid cycling bipolar disorder. So, although I know when I’m “high” or “low”, I have very little down time in between cycles. And sometimes both the mania and depression even coexist.
Everyone of us is different, but I totally lose all faculties that stem from the root of my creativity.
No, I’m no James Patterson or anything, churning out material like it was ticker tape. But I like what I have so I’d like to keep it. It’s impossible, however, for me to even rhyme-scheme when manic or depressed.
I know for others with bipolar disorder it’s the complete opposite. Mania can be like throwing fuel on a fire for some. It used to be like that for me; I’d use the mania to my advantage for every little possible thing. Those days are long past, though. These days when I try to create during a manic phase the results are (no pun intended) depressing.
I don’t even try to create when I’m in a depressive state. When I was younger and tried to write when depressed, all that would pour out of me was pretentious poetry that, to this day, I still cannot revisit.
So, although this post is nothing extensive or special, it displays some degree of clarity so I must be operating at a somewhat “normal” level.
If anything changes, you guys will be the first to know.