Writing, or Something Like It

“For me, the first sign of oncoming madness is that I’m unable to write.”

Marya Hornbacher, Madness: A Bipolar Life

It’s funny how certain traits and talents go when in the throes of either a manic or depressive period. And it’s funny how others become amplified.

Well, as someone in between cycles and bracing for a bout of full-on depression, it really isn’t that funny. Just an interesting observation.

For me, as both a journalist and someone who is just passionate about writing, it is one of the first of my abilities to go when I’m cycling.

I have what is known as rapid cycling bipolar disorder. So, although I know when I’m “high” or “low”, I have very little down time in between cycles. And sometimes both the mania and depression even coexist.

Everyone of us is different, but I totally lose all faculties that stem from the root of my creativity.

No, I’m no James Patterson or anything, churning out material like it was ticker tape. But I like what I have so I’d like to keep it. It’s impossible, however, for me to even rhyme-scheme when manic or depressed.

I know for others with bipolar disorder it’s the complete opposite. Mania can be like throwing fuel on a fire for some. It used to be like that for me; I’d use the mania to my advantage for every little possible thing. Those days are long past, though. These days when I try to create during a manic phase the results are (no pun intended) depressing.

I don’t even try to create when I’m in a depressive state. When I was younger and tried to write when depressed, all that would pour out of me was pretentious poetry that, to this day, I still cannot revisit.

So, although this post is nothing extensive or special, it displays some degree of clarity so I must be operating at a somewhat “normal” level.

If anything changes, you guys will be the first to know.

2 thoughts on “Writing, or Something Like It

  1. I actually like the stuff I write when very depressed, it’s harsh and raw. Although it’s hard to revisit. My better writing seems to be fueled by mental illness, when I’m anxious or agitated or feeling my OCD, what I write seems more passionate and urgent. When everything is going just right I can be dull. How long do your ups and downs last, days, weeks or months?

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